Do You Ever Just FREAK Out?

So, picture this: I got on a plane and flew to Savannah, GA, for dinner. For DINNER! 

Well, okay, it wasn’t just any ol’ dinner. I threw my name in when Susan Hyatt announced her, “Girlfriends Gone Wild” event. One night, 20 fabulous women, a little life coaching and great food. 

Doesn’t it all sound like fun? Well, it was. …until it came time to actually ENTER the restaurant.

See, I’ve always had this ‘thing’ about walking into rooms of people I don’t know. It’s odd—I can be on stage in front of thousands and not bat an eye. I can teach a group without a moment’s hesitation. But to just walk in to a room of strangers and have to start making small talk??? deer.jpg

Jesus, take the wheel.

Guess what? THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO! I mean, I just big fat have to do it sometimes. Why? 

Tweet: Relationships are everything.#songwriters #womeninbusiness @BelindaSCre8iveRelationships are everything.

Relationships are imperative for what we do. (Yes, for WHATEVER we do.) And, no, I’m not talking networking. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want anyone’s business card unless I want it, and it’s likely that I don’t want it if there’s no connection. (Soapbox for a another day.)

So here’s how I handled my good, old-fashioned FREAKING OUT about entering a room of people I didn’t know. 

1. I decided on my question. 

You know, the question—So, what do you do?  I spent a lot of years working at a job that in no way defined me or gave much insight into who I really was, and it was during that time that I stopped asking people what they ‘did.’ I’m not as interested in what someone does as who they are. So, I started asking other questions—What do you like to do for fun? or I’m planning my next vacation. Where’s your favorite vacation spot?  Based on who was going to be attending this particular event, I decided my question was, “So what are you most proud of?” (…it was a good one.)

2. I decided on my answer.

Even though I don’t love the question about what I do, I knew I was going to be asked. Here’s the start of my answer: My name is Belinda Smith, and I work with the best people in the world. 

3. I reminded myself of why I was there in the first place.

I was there to meet, be inspired by, and to inspire amazing women. …and I’d just taken a night away from home to do it. SOMEONE was going to make it worth the trip whether they liked it or not! 

Needless to say, I stepped out of my comfort zone in a BIG way. And, yes, it was worth it. For me, though, thinking about how I was going to show up and the kinds of conversations I wanted to have really did help the room-anxiety. It was like I’d given myself a road map of sorts, and Heaven knows we all need a little direction.

So, now that you know about my ’thing,’ do you have tips on how YOU do this? How do you do parties with strangers? HELP ME OUT HERE! 

On Not Having Children

Natural LoveOn my flight today, I sat behind a young Mother holding an 11-month old boy. He was beautiful. Not in a traditional way, though. He was beautiful from the inside out, and I thought so as soon as I saw him.

You should know I’m not really a “kid” person. I’m not anti-kid at all, but personally I’ve never longed for a child. I’m glad other people have kids, of course, but it’s just never been my thing. And as a person with a disability, having kids has always felt kind of, well, I’ll just say “tricky” and leave it at that.

But, this little boy held on his Mother’s lap was captivating. He observed with intensity. I’ve never seen a child consider his surroundings with such concentration–the blue leather seat, the olive briefcase, the orange silk scarf. He was so curious, so deeply invested in putting the mental pieces together that I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

What a sweet soul, I thought.

It was nearly ten minutes before I noticed that something was different about this baby, something more than I’ve just described. As his mother eventually confirmed, he has Down Syndrome.

She talked about how she and her husband had packed up their lives and moved across the country because the baby had breathing problems in their old location. She said he already has an occupational therapist and physical therapist, and he would begin with a speech therapist next year.

He’s been here for 11 months.

I looked at how young the Mother is, and I watched as she wrapped her whole heart around that child. I wondered about all the possibilities for their future, and I thought about how emotionally challenging the past eleven months must have been–so many doctors and tests and treatment plans and research. And I watched as she held that little boy to her chest, how she rocked him gently back and forth, and how she kissed his head. So much love.

…and sitting there on that flight, watching that 11 month old baby with Down Syndrome take in the wonder and love of his new world, I felt the only ping of regret I’ve ever had for not having children.

I suppose it’s true that real love can make you see things differently.

 

P.S. If you know of anyone else who would enjoy this, I’d be honored if you shared it. Click the buttons below to send it to your online universe.

The Single Best Way to Get What You Want


I was at a lunch meeting with some particularly successful and powerful women. 

You know how you can just tell when someone at the table would like the salt passed to them? You know that whole non-verbal thing that happens? When they don’t want to interrupt the discussion so they just act uncomfortable until finally someone notices and hands it over?

Well, Lauren wanted the salt (name changed to protect Lauren’s identity). It was just out of her reach.

As the lively discussion carried on, she did the entire routine we all do when we need a condiment we cannot politely reach.  Honestly, Lauren’s performance was pure perfection. If an award existed for a, “Non-Verbal Please Pass the Salt Routine,” Lauren would have totally won it.  It was so silently compelling that I almost got up myself and took her some from my end of the table.

However, her Salt Gatekeeper didn’t seem to notice. She kept right on talking and laughing as if nothing were happening.

Salt Gatekeeper is a beautiful woman of about sixty, and she runs a highly successful company. Salt Gatekeeper is impressively on top of things, and what I would call a ‘mover and a shaker’ in town. She lives on a fortune of great decisions, and she is well-liked by everyone. It was actually almost weird that she didn’t catch Lauren’s plea for salt.

Finally, Lauren gave up and started eating without it.

However, in a matter of minutes, I watched Lauren’s countenance go from ‘So Happy to Be Here’ to ‘I Hate Everyone and Everything.’

Her entire mood changed.  She withdrew from the conversation, she stared at her plate, and she slumped her shoulders. It was so noticeable (finally, she got noticed!) that Salt Gatekeeper asked her a pointed question. It was an obvious attempt to draw her into the conversation.

Lauren just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.”

She didn’t participate in the rest of the meeting.

At all.

Really.                                                                    

She pouted for the rest of the lunch.

Over salt.

As we left the fabulous restaurant, Salt Gatekeeper reached for Lauren’s arm.  She  looked her dead in the eyes and said, “Honey, if you don’t learn to ask for what you want, you’re never going to get it.” 

With that, she turned on her heel, got in her big, shiny Mercedes and drove away.

What’s the best way to get what you want?

Ask for it.

Now, pass the salt and point me to my awesome new car.

 

To Your Adventure,

Belinda