Category Archives: Writing

Making a Video: No More Excuses

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We never know what people deal with on the inside where no one else can really see. We can never fully look into the dark corners and cobwebbed spaces of someone else’s heart. When someone does invite you in and does shine a light, albeit dim, it’s a responsibility not to be taken lightly.

I’ve been in a particularly interesting conversation about “food stuff” with some of my gorgeous women friends over the past week. We’ve talked about food as punishment and food as reward, food as hate and food as love. And, of course, sometimes an Oreo is just an Oreo, nothing less and nothing more.

As you’re getting to know me, you’ll learn all kinds of things about what makes me who I am (even I’m still learning), and the truth is that food has been–and sometimes continues to be–everything from punishment to reward to hate to love. I’m not alone in this.

So with all the honest conversations going on in the background, I thought it appropriate to tell you how much I hate seeing myself on video. Okay, it’s 37 steps BEYOND hate, or like hate to the 37th power.

I hate seeing myself on video for lots of reasons that I won’t go into here, but I also don’t like that I’ve always felt so much self-loathing when it comes to my appearance. I don’t like it that I have so many gorgeous friends who don’t feel beautiful, either. And, frankly, I don’t prefer that things should stay this way.

So, how do we start changing this? How do we start lighting up the darkness, and stop the automatic ‘shame switch’ from flipping on?

Maybe the first thing we do is make a video of us being real and then post it online, and then get used to feeling all the stuff that comes up with it. Maybe if we decide to persistently and pointedly face the demons, they’ll get bored and move on to somewhere else.

It may not work, but it could…and just what if it did.

To Your Adventure,

Belinda

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The One Critical Thing You Must Remember as a Songwriter

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In a recent interview, I was asked, “Belinda, if there is one piece of advice you could give an aspiring writer, what would it be?”

Background

I’ve been a professional writer in Nashville for fifteen years. We are a town of writers and dreamers,  and the energy is magnetic.  The creative energy has attracted so many of us that we’re practically tripping over each other.

Have you heard this one?

How do you find a songwriter in Nashville?
Just raise your voice and say, “Waiter!”

I love being around writers all the time and my experiences have run the gamut.

I’ve been in rooms with people who couldn’t carry a tune in a dump truck and couldn’t be convinced otherwise, and I’ve hung out with the best of the best. In my opinion, songwriters are the greatest people (insert my own bias here).

 After living in this amazing writer’s community, I have noticed one thorn which consistently competes for a writer’s attention:  NEGATIVITY.

A few years back, a successful songwriter friend of mine told me he felt like he was living in a black cloud. No matter where he went, people were complaining.  “Nobody’s happy about anything!” 

After he said that, I started paying attention, and, as it turns out, he was right. 

Soon after our conversation, I wrote down in my notebook all the complaints I heard in one day at a publishing house where I was writing.  I found the notebook last night.  Here are just a few I wrote down:

  • [That artist] wouldn’t know a hit if it hit her over the head.
  • I’m so tired of my songs not getting demoed.
  • I hate the way they demoed my song.
  • My publisher just doesn’t get me.
  • I can’t get anything on the radio.
  • Everything on the radio these days is [mindless stupidity].  (Keeping the G-rating, gang.)

And on and on and on and on. 

It’s so easy to get into a negative mindset as a creative person because the truth is sometimes an artist doesn’t know a hit. And sometimes our songs don’t get demoed, and sometimes our publisher doesn’t get it. And everyone complains about what gets played on radio unless it is their song (that’s just a general rule of thumb). 

There are so many things to complain about.  There are legitimate gripes, too. I get it.

There’s also one thing to remember, though, and that’s what brought us to writing in the first place.

Magic 

There is a certain magic that happens in the true moments of writing something new. You know that feeling you get in your gut, the one that makes you forget everything else for just a moment and focus on the song that’s coming out of you.  In those moments of pure writing, everything else gets lost.

I started writing because I love that feeling.  I love the fact that I can think of things to write, and when I’m finished, there’s something where there was nothing. 

It is magic.

 And so what is the one piece of advice I would give to an aspiring writer?

 We write because we’re writers. 
All the rest of the stuff is NOT the writing.  It’s just stuff. 
Whatever you do, do not get the two things mixed up.

Fiercely, and I mean FIERCELY, guard the magic of writing.

To Your Adventure,

Belinda

 

 

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Five Excellent Questions for Writers to Worry About

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Five Excellent Questions Writers Worry About
Worry: to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts;fret. (dictionary.com)
If there were sashes and tiaras to be awarded for being the Best Worrier, I would have a collection.  I would have a title for every day of the week for every week of the year.  

I am an excellent worrier when I set my mind to it.  I can deeply and profoundly worry about the color of my living room wall and the lack of color on my bathroom wall. I can worry about whether my grass is going to grow in the spring and whether I am living the life I am supposed to be.   I can worry that I’ll never write another song again, and I can worry that no one will ever write with me again.  ALL IN THE SPAN OF TWO MINUTES.

Yes, gang, I could be the Homecoming Queen of the University of Worry.  

The good news is that I’m in recovery.  Step by step, a little at a time, I’m learning how to STOP the absurdity.  I’m starting to let go of my responsibility to take care of the entire world and everything it holds.  As it turns out, the Savior has come, and it is not me.  

Whew!

When I look at the definition of ‘worry’ and it includes the word ‘torment,’ I totally get it.

Worry is torment.

So, in order to give myself some perspective, I started replacing the word “worried” with “tormenting myself.”  For example, if my old sentence was I’m worried about that, my sentence now is I’m tormenting myself about that.

I know that worry is wasted energy. I’m intelligent enough to see that I can worry all day about something and it is not going to help the situation.  Regardless, I still do it.  However, I’ve realized that switching the word ‘worrying’ out for ‘tormenting myself’ changes my perspective. I have no interest in tormenting myself.  Do you?

Torment sounds so dramatic.
And no one likes a drama queen.

If You Insist

Here is my list of five excellent questions you as a writer can torment yourself with, though, if you insist.  These are questions we all ask, and questions which are brilliant time-wasters. If you’re looking to be more popular at the University of Worry, these are the top five tormentors.  

(I’ve also included my answers in case worrying is getting boring and you’d like to move on.  Further, I’ve included a gratuitous shot of Bernice as a puppy purely for manipulative purposes.)  

1. Am I crazy for pursuing writing?

Yes.  

Welcome to our club.

2. Who am I to think my words matter?

Who are you not to think they matter?

3.  Am I a good enough writer?

Keep writing and you’ll find out.

4.  What if I never get published?

Writers write.

5. Do I look fat today?

Did you look fat yesterday? Well, there’s your answer.


Why don’t you try replacing the word “worry” with “torment” for the next 30 days.  Just see if it makes you feel as ridiculous as it does me.  Then, take all that new mental space and focus on something good and positive.  I bet you’ll love the results.

To your adventure–

Belinda  

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5 Ways to Be a Real Winner at Holiday Shopping

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I’ve compiled a list of tips to help us get through what is my most stressful task of the season: SHOPPING.  Enjoy!

1. Set Your Intention.

When you leave your home to go shopping, set the intention of getting the parking space which is the greatest distance from the entrance.  You’ll have an excellent chance of succeeding and you’ll feel like a winner from the start.

2.  Trust Strangers to Get It Done

If you didn’t have time to make your list before you got to the store, just roam until you find someone else who did.  Then, follow them and buy everything they buy.  They’ve obviously put some time and thought into what they’re going to purchase, and there’s no reason their time and thought cannot save YOU time and thought.  You can worry about who gets what later.  Winners accomplish tasks.

3.  Shop Smarter, Not Harder

If you pass someone in the store who has a cart of things you admire, feel free to take whatever you like out of their cart and put it in yours.  This will save you the time of going to look for the item yourself.  ***(Holiday Winner Tip:  This one works best if you wait till the other shopper is looking in the opposite direction.)

4.  Manifest Your Own Christmas Miracle

When the check-out line is really long, start singing Christmas songs as loud as you can.  Don’t worry, you don’t have to be a singer to do this.  Just “sing for all the world to hear,” as Buddy, the Elf, says.  You’ll find that people like to give you a little more room when you’re doing this, and lines instantly move faster.

5.  Take it All In

When starting the hike back to your vehicle, walk very, very slowly in the line of traffic.  This is a great way to OWN YOUR AWESOMENESS.  Some people will even honk with holiday joy.  When they do, you should wave and smile…because that’s what winners do.

Here’s to a winning holiday season!

Belinda

Dreamhost Coupon

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Complaining, Whining and Gossiping, Oh My!

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Two days ago, I was having a particularly stressful day.  It was one of those when I was nearly convinced by noon that the entire universe had conspired to irritate every last drop of goodness out of me.  I was just plain mad at someone over a work issue, I was being cut off in traffic left and right, my cell phone wouldn’t quit ringing, I had a million things on my to-do list and I just big, fat wasn’t feeling any progress in anything.

Back story

A few months ago, I signed a No Complaint contract with myself.  I actually printed it out and signed it.  This contract stated that I would not complain, whine, or gossip for seven weeks.  The rule was that every time I broke the agreement, I would start the contract over from day one.

Have you ever noticed how much complaining, whining and gossiping we participate in AND perpetuate?  You sure would if you signed a contract saying you wouldn’t do it.  By the end of the first week, I’d had to re-sign the contract every single day, and I was fully ashamed of myself.

While I’ve been making positive changes over the past several months, signing the contract has without question been the most transformative.

Until two days ago.

I’m not saying I haven’t had to recommit to my agreement multiple times, but most of those were accidental breaches.  Two days ago, though, I let ‘er rip.I’d just been cut off for the third time by that shiny black Mercedes when I thought, “Stupid, stupid No-Complaint Contract.  Who needs it?”

And off I went.
I preached an unholy sermon to my windshield and beyond all the way down the interstate.  I complained about anything that came to mind.  I fussed, and I fussed, and I fussed.  And when people driving by started staring, I complained about them, too, for good measure.When I was done complaining, I transitioned directly into whining, and had anyone been in the car with me, I would’ve totally gossiped like a Rock Star.

That whole day was shot, not to mention the No-Complaint contract.

The next day I woke up in a terrible mood again, and no matter how many ‘happy thoughts’ I tried to think, I couldn’t shake the bad ones.

Finally, it was mid-afternoon—a good twenty-four hours after my rant—that I’d had enough.  I went to the Greenway and took a walk by the river.  It was cold out, but I didn’t care.  I needed to walk someplace quiet and pretty.  After a while I finally started calming down.  It wasn’t till the next day, though, that I started to feel like me again.

When I look back over the week, I’m fascinated by what a profound impact letting a little negativity back in (okay, it was a lot of negativity—all of the negativity ever, maybe) had.  I hadn’t felt so bad and discombobulated in weeks.

I Sound Like Oprah

I’m certainly not trying to pass myself off as some kind of ‘centered’ and all-peaceful guru.  I doubt Gandhi posted a No Complaint contract in his office.

All I know is that I’m convinced.

I’m persuaded that staying out of negative conversations, and trying not to complain, whine or gossip makes my entire life experience better—mentally and physically.So, I’m in.  I’ve re-signed my No Complaint contract and I’m in for another seven weeks.

Why don’t you try it for a week and just see what happens?  You might be surprised.

To your adventure,

Belinda

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Gratitude at 9

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A few months ago, I decided to set a daily alarm to go off at 9 PM.  Every evening at 9 PM,my phone buzzes (because I typically have it on ‘vibrate’) and a notification comes across my screen that reads, “GRATITUDE LIST.”

When that happens, I immediately acknowledge three things for which I am thankful.  Just three. I figured that even on the worst day ever, surely I could come up with three things which are good.

 To date I’ve listed everything from being glad that my thirteen year old miniature pinscher still barks at insignificant noises to being glad that the radio in my car hasn’t worked for over a year.  It’s a deep and varied list so far.The most interesting thing I’ve noticed is that what I might be most irritated about one day can be the very thing I’m the most grateful for on another.  I would’ve never noticed that had I not started documenting it.

I guess we just never know from day to day what’s going to get us through.

I’ve also realized,  much to my cynical self’s surprise, that knowing I have to be grateful for three things every day has made me pay close attention to the good things in my life. Whereas before something would’ve gone briefly noticed and forgotten, now I’m being mindful to remember it so that I have one item for the Gratitude List at 9.

Focusing on the good things has changed my daily perspective.I wonder if it would change your day, too.

Why not try it?  Set your own ‘gratitude list’ alarm every day for the next week.  I mean, it’s not like it’s that hard to set an alarm, right? And surely you could think of three things every day.  How hard could it really be? Just three.  …one, two, three.  

Not convinced? Here’s a recent article from the New York Times which may prove interesting:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/22/science/a-serving-of-gratitude-brings-healthy-dividends.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=gratitude&st=cse

Try it with me.  Because, really, what have you got to lose?

To your adventure,

Belinda

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Doubting and Dreaming

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I spend a lot of time with writers, both aspiring and accomplished.  One behavior I see over and over with so many writers is self-doubt.

We doubt our ideas and doubt our words.
We doubt our melodies and our instruments.
We doubt our stories and our narrators.
We can doubt our clothes, our shoes, our cars, our homes, our yards, our neighbor’s yards and our neighbor’s dogs, if we have to.
If we could get paid to doubt, then some of us would be buying an island right about now.

The truth is that doubt is nothing more than a limiting belief.  We keep ourselves comfortable by doubting.  I would even say we think that questioning everything and betting on nothing keeps us from being disappointed.

It is spiral, and I know how doubt can take over quickly and fully.  I’ve let it happen to myself plenty of times.

Doubting hinders dreaming.

I’m a dreamer.  I drove into Nashville in 1997, looked at the cityscape and felt really, really small and insignificant.  Still, for some unexplainable reason, I believed to my core that I was made for something that I was meant to find in the music business.

Through all the adventures, the highs and lows, the disappointments and the accomplishments, my core belief never wavered.  I was supposed to write songs.

That’s one thing I still know for sure.

There is something about pursuing your dreams from a foundation of certainty that changes everything.
Landscape 4 Pictures, Images and Photos
It’s the difference between shooting a photo of a beautiful landscape with your eyes closed and shooting that same landscape through the viewfinder.  It can end up beautiful both ways, but you have a lot better chance at getting the shot you want with your eyes open.

This week I’m challenging you to reconnect with your inner dreamer.  Identify that core belief—what’s the one thing you know about your creative self?

Be honest.

And once you’re clear about it, start taking beautiful pictures.

To the Adventure,
Belinda

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