Complaining, Whining and Gossiping, Oh My!

Two days ago, I was having a particularly stressful day.  It was one of those when I was nearly convinced by noon that the entire universe had conspired to irritate every last drop of goodness out of me.  I was just plain mad at someone over a work issue, I was being cut off in traffic left and right, my cell phone wouldn’t quit ringing, I had a million things on my to-do list and I just big, fat wasn’t feeling any progress in anything.

Back story

A few months ago, I signed a No Complaint contract with myself.  I actually printed it out and signed it.  This contract stated that I would not complain, whine, or gossip for seven weeks.  The rule was that every time I broke the agreement, I would start the contract over from day one.

Have you ever noticed how much complaining, whining and gossiping we participate in AND perpetuate?  You sure would if you signed a contract saying you wouldn’t do it.  By the end of the first week, I’d had to re-sign the contract every single day, and I was fully ashamed of myself.

While I’ve been making positive changes over the past several months, signing the contract has without question been the most transformative.

Until two days ago.

I’m not saying I haven’t had to recommit to my agreement multiple times, but most of those were accidental breaches.  Two days ago, though, I let ‘er rip.I’d just been cut off for the third time by that shiny black Mercedes when I thought, “Stupid, stupid No-Complaint Contract.  Who needs it?”

And off I went.
I preached an unholy sermon to my windshield and beyond all the way down the interstate.  I complained about anything that came to mind.  I fussed, and I fussed, and I fussed.  And when people driving by started staring, I complained about them, too, for good measure.When I was done complaining, I transitioned directly into whining, and had anyone been in the car with me, I would’ve totally gossiped like a Rock Star.

That whole day was shot, not to mention the No-Complaint contract.

The next day I woke up in a terrible mood again, and no matter how many ‘happy thoughts’ I tried to think, I couldn’t shake the bad ones.

Finally, it was mid-afternoon—a good twenty-four hours after my rant—that I’d had enough.  I went to the Greenway and took a walk by the river.  It was cold out, but I didn’t care.  I needed to walk someplace quiet and pretty.  After a while I finally started calming down.  It wasn’t till the next day, though, that I started to feel like me again.

When I look back over the week, I’m fascinated by what a profound impact letting a little negativity back in (okay, it was a lot of negativity—all of the negativity ever, maybe) had.  I hadn’t felt so bad and discombobulated in weeks.

I Sound Like Oprah

I’m certainly not trying to pass myself off as some kind of ‘centered’ and all-peaceful guru.  I doubt Gandhi posted a No Complaint contract in his office.

All I know is that I’m convinced.

I’m persuaded that staying out of negative conversations, and trying not to complain, whine or gossip makes my entire life experience better—mentally and physically.So, I’m in.  I’ve re-signed my No Complaint contract and I’m in for another seven weeks.

Why don’t you try it for a week and just see what happens?  You might be surprised.

To your adventure,

Belinda

Gratitude at 9

A few months ago, I decided to set a daily alarm to go off at 9 PM.  Every evening at 9 PM,my phone buzzes (because I typically have it on ‘vibrate’) and a notification comes across my screen that reads, “GRATITUDE LIST.”

When that happens, I immediately acknowledge three things for which I am thankful.  Just three. I figured that even on the worst day ever, surely I could come up with three things which are good.

 To date I’ve listed everything from being glad that my thirteen year old miniature pinscher still barks at insignificant noises to being glad that the radio in my car hasn’t worked for over a year.  It’s a deep and varied list so far.The most interesting thing I’ve noticed is that what I might be most irritated about one day can be the very thing I’m the most grateful for on another.  I would’ve never noticed that had I not started documenting it.

I guess we just never know from day to day what’s going to get us through.

I’ve also realized,  much to my cynical self’s surprise, that knowing I have to be grateful for three things every day has made me pay close attention to the good things in my life. Whereas before something would’ve gone briefly noticed and forgotten, now I’m being mindful to remember it so that I have one item for the Gratitude List at 9.

Focusing on the good things has changed my daily perspective.I wonder if it would change your day, too.

Why not try it?  Set your own ‘gratitude list’ alarm every day for the next week.  I mean, it’s not like it’s that hard to set an alarm, right? And surely you could think of three things every day.  How hard could it really be? Just three.  …one, two, three.  

Not convinced? Here’s a recent article from the New York Times which may prove interesting:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/22/science/a-serving-of-gratitude-brings-healthy-dividends.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=gratitude&st=cse

Try it with me.  Because, really, what have you got to lose?

To your adventure,

Belinda

Doubting and Dreaming

I spend a lot of time with writers, both aspiring and accomplished.  One behavior I see over and over with so many writers is self-doubt.

We doubt our ideas and doubt our words.
We doubt our melodies and our instruments.
We doubt our stories and our narrators.
We can doubt our clothes, our shoes, our cars, our homes, our yards, our neighbor’s yards and our neighbor’s dogs, if we have to.
If we could get paid to doubt, then some of us would be buying an island right about now.

The truth is that doubt is nothing more than a limiting belief.  We keep ourselves comfortable by doubting.  I would even say we think that questioning everything and betting on nothing keeps us from being disappointed.

It is spiral, and I know how doubt can take over quickly and fully.  I’ve let it happen to myself plenty of times.

Doubting hinders dreaming.

I’m a dreamer.  I drove into Nashville in 1997, looked at the cityscape and felt really, really small and insignificant.  Still, for some unexplainable reason, I believed to my core that I was made for something that I was meant to find in the music business.

Through all the adventures, the highs and lows, the disappointments and the accomplishments, my core belief never wavered.  I was supposed to write songs.

That’s one thing I still know for sure.

There is something about pursuing your dreams from a foundation of certainty that changes everything.
Landscape 4 Pictures, Images and Photos
It’s the difference between shooting a photo of a beautiful landscape with your eyes closed and shooting that same landscape through the viewfinder.  It can end up beautiful both ways, but you have a lot better chance at getting the shot you want with your eyes open.

This week I’m challenging you to reconnect with your inner dreamer.  Identify that core belief—what’s the one thing you know about your creative self?

Be honest.

And once you’re clear about it, start taking beautiful pictures.

To the Adventure,
Belinda